Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Painting The Town (Well, the Kitchen, Actually)

There I was, earlier this evening, rolling out pastry for a Chicken and Leek pie, when I decided to paint the kitchen.
(Please don't think that this has anything to do with the fact that it's The Fixer's birthday at the weekend and she's invited three friends for a sleepover, because it hasn't. Much).
Anyway, I sidelined the pie and went to look in the garage where (rather fortuitously, I thought) I found a load of Steve the Decorator's abandoned gear.
(Friend of the Father of This Lot. Last here the day before Christmas Eve. The decorator, that is, not the Father of This Lot. Sadly).
Back to the story......







Among the stash was some Vinyl Silk Emulsion. Now I may not be the best painter in the world, but I know that emulsion goes on walls and gloss goes on woodwork.
So I painted three walls....(Didn't do the ceiling. Don't like ceilings. I'll worry about that tomorrow)....and went back to the pie.
Anyway, I became aware of this....odour. I know paint smells, but quite honestly, you've never smelled paint like this. You know when you've had perfume for years and you open it and it smells sort of....off? Well, that was the smell. Off.
Various murmurs of 'Blimey, what's that smell?' and similar quips ensued (but not enough to put anyone off the Chicken and Leek pie, I noticed).
But it was getting to me. It just didn't smell....right.
I texted the Father of This Lot, who, I assumed, was in a pub somewhere.
And guess what? I was right!



Me: Are you with the decorator?
Him: No, why?
Me: Does emulsion paint go off?
Him: No.
Me: Well I've just painted the kitchen and it smells awful.
Him: It's probably your cooking.
I left it for what I considered to be a reasonable amount of time (about the same time as an icy stare would take had he been in the room) and texted again:
Me: Do you want to paint the ceiling tomorrow?
Him: I can't hear you. You're breaking up.
Me: IT'S A TEXT. HOW CAN I BE BREAKING UP?
Him: Why are you painting the kitchen anyway? Don't you think finishing the landing would be a better idea? x x
I gave up.


Now, I'm not psychic, but I can let you know what tomorrow's conversation will be.
He will come in, survey the damage (otherwise known as my attempts at painting) and he will say:
'God, that looks shocking'
and I will say:
'Well, you should have done it yourself then'
and he will say:
'I'd have got a proper man in'
and I will say:
'WELL, IF I KNEW A PROPER MAN I WOULD HAVE'
and he will sigh, take his coat off and say, in a despondent tone:
'Where's the roller?'



Ain't love grand?







And I know I haven't mentioned my mum, but she is getting there, and I'll tell you all about it soon.


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19 comments:

gigi said...

Oh my, good luck with that. I'm not a painter either. I usually mess it up enough that we do have to hire someone.

Kit said...

I am still painting the baby's room. He is 16 months old....

scrappysue said...

so what did it smell like, and did the smell go away!?!?!?!

Jeni said...

"You're breaking up" comment had me cracking up! Too comical there.
Glad to see you back and blogging and looking forward to you filling us in about your Mum now too!
Hope the smell started to disappear for you though.

Alison Boon said...

Good to have you back

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

So will painting over stinky paint get rid of the stink??

CrazyCath said...

"You're breaking up..."

LOL. Marital (dis)harmony continues then... *smile*
When's he finishing the landing?

HER ON THE HILL said...

I'm with ScrappySue - WHAT WAS THE SMELL? Did a mouse die in the paint pot? (just a thought).

Hat's off for actually DOING it though - specially between courses, as it were. I've been meaning to paint our kitchen for 5 years now. I started a bit of it but never quite finished it off. Pathetic.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Hope she's getting better...

RiverPoet said...

*sigh* I'm painting my kitchen, too, as soon as we get every last scrap of wallpaper off the walls! The last wall we have to do is the one behind the stove and refrigerator. That is going to be a bear, because we'll have to paint the same day we get the paper off. I'm planning for a very drawn out day.

Are you going to post pictures of your newly painted kitchen and that splat of paint you threw on the Father of this lot?

Peace - D

Kitty said...

Does paint go off? I'd have thought it had got enough preservatives in it to preserve a mummified thing!

Hope you get the job done. I once had an urge to paint the kitchen - I was 6 months pregnant, and these urges happen at such times. The only paint I could find was bright pink. Himself wasn't amused.

x

Amrita said...

Hope FOTL doen 's bring the roof down

Suburbia said...

You're in love then!

Daryl said...

I was SO missing posts like this ... (((Jackie))) ... sigh .. men are such .. men


:-Daryl

qualcosa di bello said...

jackie...i am SOOOO glad to see you back to blogging again! so, what was that smell?? is it still with you??... as one who cannot stand "off" odors, i sure hope not for your sanity!

Working mum said...

Aha! Were you using the hob? Heat and paint fumes create a very strange smell - there's been a lot of that over here over the last two years of doing up the house!

Maggie May said...

Did the chicken & leek pie taste of paint?
Hope the nasty smell went after a while. I find cooking & painting do not mix!

ExpatKat said...

You're a braver woman than I am.....on all counts!

Suzysoo said...

Didn't know paint went 'off'.

So glad your mum's doing better now.

Award for you at mine!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Glad your Mum's on the mend. My place is full of the smell of paint, too. M :-)