Sunday, 16 November 2008

From My Inbox

Call me a bad housekeeper, but I never remember to delete the texts on my phone until it bleeps at me and flashes 'Memory Full'.

Well today, I have done it without being bleeped at. And now I wish I hadn't, because on reading them, the full knowledge of the sad life I lead has engulfed me.

Let me explain.

Whereas the Football Fanatic receives texts which say:

'Hi beautiful. Fancy going out tonight?'


'Was that you on the telly on MUTV?'

or even

'D'ya wanna swap your 2 Celtic tickets for 2 right behind the bench?'

mine are more likely to say:

'What's 4 tea?'


'I'm in the taxi now. Will you stand at the door with the money?'

And it doesn't end there.

The Fixer and The Peacemaker get texts saying:
'Going ice skating on Sat. Wanna come?'
'R U playing out afta?'

The Singer gets:
'Meet me on MSN in 10. Something really good to tell you'.

Even The Noise had one saying:
'Do you want to come and play with my new puppy?'

So purely for your entertainment, I will record here for posterity some of my text conversations with my nearest and dearest:

Fixer: Wats 4 tea?
Me: Shepherd's Pie.
Fixer: Yuk!
Me: Would you rather have a roast beef dinner with all the trimmings?
Fixer: Yes please!
Me: So would I. But tonight it's Shepherd's Pie.

Most of the Football Fanatic's texts are to do Often she texts from the match. Such as:

'There's been a goal at Old Trafford. You'l have to wait till the next commercial break to find out which way it's gone.....'

If it's an evening match she shows no regard for the fact that I might be otherwise engaged:

'Do u want me to ring when it's over?'
Me: No thanks. Two phone calls and six texts during the New Catholics meeting was quite enough thanks'.

And then there's the ones from the Father of This Lot. Quite often I text him at night while he's at work to see how he is. His replies often feature his colleague Carlos, a Spanish vet, otherwise known as 'that stupid Spanish b*****d'. For example:

Me: Are you ok?
Him: I will be when I get out of here. That stupid Spanish b*****d's slowing the line down again'

'That stupid Spanish b******d doesn't know his a**e from his elbow'

And they say romance is dead.

Actually, there is one that I have saved which says:

'Jackie, you know I love you. It's not my fault you don't believe me'.

Yes, well, the jury's still out on that one mate. In my opinion, actions speak louder than text messages.

But the prize for the top text has to go to the one I got the other afternoon from the Football Fanatic. In response to one of my numerous 'Where are you?' messages, she replied:

'I'm locked in a Range Rover outside a crack house in Cheetham Hill...'

I THINK she was joking.......

Posted by Picasa


menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Better a text msg than no text msg! But I do understand that being a wife and mother you are chief cook and bottle washer, chief Personal Assistant, Principle accountant, Domestic Goddess come handyman in charge of mechanical manipulation such as vacuuming, grass cutting, removing lines and such like from clothes after gathering, sorting and washing said clothes first of course. Really your family are being highly considerate of you as they don't wish to clog your phone or waste your time sending you mushy useless impractical text messages that may get in the way of your very many activities throughout the day! Families eh? But you and I know, the echo of their voices is better than the silence when they are gone.......

Maggie May said...

Oh..... my texts are nothing like as colourful!

meggie said...

Poor me... I cant even send txts! I am hoping for a user friendly phone, since the current one once belonged to a 13 year old boy. It came with wart messages!

Kitty said...

I've got a new phone - it always takes me ages to learn how to text on a new phone.

I'd have kept the one about him loving you too - you soppy old bag.


Daryl said...

I was so text deprived I signed up for one to remind me to take my umbrella.. seriously .. not about being deprived but about the reminder ..


scrappysue said...

texting and teenagers - another extension of the umbilical cord!!!

Kit said...

What life was like before the advent of the txt...I miss it!

(You're tagged for a kitchen-y meme at my blog if you can bear it!)

Alison Boon said...

Well if she wasn't joking at least you knew where she was...

Mean Mom said...

Lol! Sounds like the Football Fanatic has inherited her mother's sense of humour.

Well, at least they think of you and at least they reply - eventually.

Mrs Marshall said...

ha ha. Just been catching up on your last five posts. I'm sure you have a set of Ladybird books from my childhood for all those pictures of half term!

The only texts I receive are from Vodafone - how sad is that?

Ttony said...

Imagine a Range Rover in Cheetham Hill. Everybody would think it was full of SAS!

CrazyCath said...

...erm.. I think you picked up my phone by mistake...

Sounds surprisingly like mine. Only obviously not from your FF, Noise, or FoTL etc.

Re FoTL "I love you really" - I never he doubted he loved you. I am convinced he does. It's just whether he loves you enough
- or more than Stella. ;0)


qualcosa di bello said...

hold on a moment...i will be forwarding my entire txt msg inbox to you for interpretation!!

Renae said...

I stl dnt get it. hv no idea wut im sayng rt nw. ;-)

Casdok said...

Great post! You do make me laugh!

ExpatKat said...

Hilarious! I know how you feel. My kids have to delete my texts. I'm even worse with the answer machine on the home phone. It's not unusual for me to push the button and hear, "You have 35 old messages!"