......oh, yes - I was pond-dipping in almost frozen water when my phone rang.
FF: It's me. I can't find the coat, and they haven't got any of the stuff on the list.
Me: What do you mean they haven't got any of the stuff on the list? I checked it all on the internet lastnight.....
FF: But they've got MUCH better stuff than what's on your list. I'll just get what I think shall I?
Ciao for now!
Me: NO! You will NOT get what you think.....Hello?......Hello?
I hadn't gone much further when she rang again.
FF: It's me.......if you buy 'Bullseye' and the pasta and pizza utensil set you can get 'On the Ball' free! Don't you think that's mint?
Me: Do you mean 'Bullseye' the television programme?
FF: Yes!! You could be Jim Bowen!!!
Me: No. DO NOT BUY 'Bullseye'!!
FF: WHY NOT?
Me: Because it involves darts. I draw the line at darts. Just get the stuff on the list.
FF: MUM! You're so boring!
Me: That's as maybe, but I have no intention of spending Christmas Day in Casualty, thanks.
Twenty minutes later:
FF: MUM! Wait till I tell you what they've got........you won't believe it!!
Me: I don't want to know what they've got. JUST GET THE STUFF ON THE LIST!!
FF: But Mum, they've got remote control fighter aircraft!! Can you imagine the hours of fun........?
Me: This is the last time I'm going to say this. I do not want you to buy anything that is not on the list AND I ESPECIALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO BUY ANYTHING THAT FLIES!!!
FF: What about the darts?
Me: No darts.
FF: But Mum, I've bought them now........
At this point I heard some background conversation, obviously directed at the Football Fanatic:
'I'd better go and get you a trolley for all this lot, or would you prefer the 'Collect by Car' service?
FF: If I get a taxi home, will you pay?
Me: Why can't you get the bus?
FF: I don't think I'll be able to get these massive boxes on the bus......
Me: WHAT MASSIVE BOXES?
FF: The Clay Pigeon Shooting set, the Baseball Launcher and the dartboard with cabinet........
I really will not blame you if you don't believe a word of it.
I wouldn't believe it either. If I didn't live here.