The Football Fanatic has a friend called Kelly. When I say friend, I mean more of an acquaintance. The Football Fanatic is sitting behind me and has asked me to point out that Kelly is not from these parts. She's from Birmingham. Whether or not that makes any difference to anyone else, I have no idea, but where the Football Fanatic is concerned, if you're not from The Republic of Mancunia, then you're somewhat of a second-class citizen. (Oh, to be nineteen again and live in a world where everything is black and white - but I digress).
Anyway, yesterday, Kelly sent her a text:
Fancy going 2 pictures 2moz? It's Orange Weds n i get in free if u pay
Now, they had been out together over the weekend and Kelly had said some rather hurtful things to the Football Fanatic. I think this may have been because boys in nightclubs tend to flock around the Football Fanatic and not around Kelly, but who am I to judge?
Anyway, because of this, the Football Fanatic did not want to go to the pictures, and because she is not by nature a mean-spirited girl, decided to make up a story which would get her out of it without upsetting Kelly.
She texted back:
Soz can't go pics 2moz. Working l8 and meeting Katie afta.
Then she decided she'd better text Katie to let her know:
trying 2 get out of going 2 pics with kelly so told her i was meeting u
Which would have been fine, if she had sent the text to the right person.
Yes, you've guessed it. The text saying she was trying to get out of going to the pictures with Kelly went to.........Kelly!
After I had resussitated her we tried to work out what to do. I'm pretty sure I mentioned something along the lines of 'This is why you shouldn't tell lies' which was actually no use whatsoever.
However, the Football Fanatic is nothing if not resourceful. She called in The Fixer, who thought for all of three seconds then said 'I know what to do - send her another text saying this':
soz wasn't meant 4u. ment 2b going with jack. didnt want u2 fink i was ditching u 4 a lad
'Now send Jack a text saying this':
if kelly asks we're going out 2moz. i'll xplain l8r.
Now, far be it from me to cast aspersions, but the Fixer has been trying to set these two up for a while. Maybe it was all part of the plan, but she for one wasn't remotely surprised when Jack texted back:
why dont we just go out anyway?
This would be the ultra good-looking Jack, with the apartment in the city centre, the black Mercedes Coupe and perhaps most importantly, the season ticket in the Stretford End.
Up to now, they're just good friends.
I'll let you know.
In the meantime, the Football Fanatic sends this message: