Did I mention that the Football Fanatic doesn't actually 'do' dates?
If you are a boy with an interest in the Football Fanatic, let me give you a word of advice.
Don't hold your breath.
(Unless of course, you're pulling up to United's training ground in a flashy car with your first team kit under you arm, but that's another story....)
Back to reality.
If you are the said boy trying to get a date, and you're really lucky, she might say something like:
'I'll give you my number'
(Don't bother ringing it - it won't be the right one)
If you're really, really lucky she might say:
'I may be here next week'
and if you're really, really, REALLY lucky, she might turn up.
But actually make a date to meet you at a particular time and place? Forget it, kiddo. Don't waste your time. (And I'm her mother, so I know what I'm talking about).
So, given the background, you can see why I get quite excitable when she goes out with Jack.
We have had various Jack-related conversations.
Her: Chillax, Mum. We're just friends.
Me: (accompanied by knowing smile) Fair enough.
Her: MUM! I don't like Jack and Jack doesn't like me. Okay??
Me: What makes you think he doesn't like you?
Her: He's got girls texting him all the time.
Me: Does he text them back?
Her: No....but when we're out there's girls throwing themselves at him all night.
Me: Does he throw himself back?
Me: But what? You're the one he's texting and you're the one he's taking out.
Fast forward to today. The Football Fanatic was at work in the Menswear Department. By use of code, ('Please can you get me a pair of black Fresh Feet socks') her colleague let her know that there was an extremely good-looking person in the changing rooms.
It was Jack.
FF: What are you doing here?
Jack: Looking for you. I've been ringing you all day. You didn't answer. I thought something had happened to you.
FF: I've left my phone at home. Why have you got a bag of food?
Jack: Because you're usually in the Food Department. I went there first.
FF: Why are you trying on suits? Do you need a suit?
Jack: Not really. I'll have this one though.
FF: It's a hundred and fifty quid.
Jack: Wrap it up. D'you fancy going out tomorrow?
FF: I'll let you know......
So, is it just me?
Or should I be saying to the Football Fanatic:
'You don't know Jack'