Monday, 6 October 2008

Cards On The Table....Again

What do you think of when you hear the word 'relationship'?
This, possibly?

Maybe a little of this?


And if you're very lucky, perhaps a hint of this......

I thought so.

That's what I've always believed it meant as well.

I've checked every dictionary, online and otherwise, and nowhere was it defined as involving one party who, having previously escaped the confines of the marital home, now turns up sporadically and avoids anything that smacks remotely of responsibility. (Oh, alright...he pays all the bills and buys all the food. Sue me.)

And nowhere in the etymology of 'relationship' does it mention one party announcing at one o'clock on Saturday afternoon 'I'm going to the pub to watch the football' (which, I might add, kicked off at half past five)........

...AND ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE did it give even a vague description of the aforementioned party ringing up ten hours later and saying:

'I'm outside the door. It's p*****g down. I'm soaked...and I wanna come 'ome.'

(No, of course I didn't open the door. What do you think I am? A Desparate Housewife?)

In his defence, he was rather sheepish when he arrived on Sunday.

Did that make me think twice about laying my cards on the table?

No.

'Buck your ideas up, mate, or it'll be ME in the Mare and Foal on Friday night.......




........INTERVIEWING FOR YOUR REPLACEMENT!'



Well, obviously, I'm not going to. Not when every moral and religious fibre of my being screams otherwise.

But.....we don't need to tell him that, do we?

And, judging by the change in his behaviour today......I think I may have been just convincing enough.

Oh....one more thing. If I ever do decide to ignore every moral and religious fibre screaming at me, the Mare and Foal is the last place I'd look for a replacement.

Believe me, compared to most of its regulars, the Father of This Lot emerges as a cross between Saint Anthony and George Clooney.

And that's another sentence I thought I'd never type.


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20 comments:

qualcosa di bello said...

he doesn't stand a chance against the likes of you!!! keep it real, jackie!!

qualcosa di bello said...

can you email me privately...
qualcosadibello (at) hotmail (dot) com

Suzysoo said...

I got my revenge once years ago for a similar incident by 'nipping out for a bag of sugar' and re-appearing 3 hours later, tipsy, with best mate and bottle of vodka in tow. What's good for the goose....

CrazyCath said...

I knew this time would come. It just takes time that's all. And when you're ready...

You go girl. You know what you want, when you want it, with whom you want it and how you want it.
You also know what you don't want.
You go girl.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

This is a serious question, Jackie. Are you so against divorce that it won't happen - no matter what? Will you stick it out til the bitter end?

I'm not trying to be a biatch. I just hate to hear you sound this unhappy.

Renae said...

Love the outfit you're wearing in that last picture, Jackie. FOTL must be blind!

Let him catch you wearing that to the grocery store and see if he doesn't perk up a bit . . .

gigi said...

I'm sorry, may God be with you, and him!

david mcmahon said...

Is there a chance (perhaps) that he reads this blog?

Just curious .....

Alison Boon said...

Well sounds like he needs a reality check, but then again most men do. It would seem that our expectaions ( perfectly reasonable) and their actions ( woefully inadequate) are forever at odds.

Mean Mom said...

Hmmm.... When in a relationship, we all have expectations, don't we? Some men can be remarkably self-centred at times. Does he know what your expectations are, but chooses to ignore them?

Kitty said...

There's nothing wrong with reading the riot act. Good for you ... I really hope it works out for you both. x

Daryl said...

Sounds like he heard you that time .. but how good is his memory?

:-Daryl

Akelamalu said...

Good on ya! Remind me not to go in the Mare and Foal if MWM and I fall out!

Maggie May said...

You sound like a sticker, but this is ridiculous! How many chances does he get?

Ttony said...

The Mare and Foal: lots of blokes like me!

Will you take the iron with you in your right hand (to show them you know how to iron) and a large carving knife in your left hand (to show them you know how to cook). Then, if you arrive at about nine or so, when the chaps are "relaxed", you burst in, and you pretend to be fierce just to find out which of them is really interested in a homemaking helpmeet.

You might cost the landlord his licence!

Millennium Housewife said...

I have wonderful images of the offerings in The Mare and Foal, excellent!

Sandi McBride said...

You're too funny...even though I knew you meant every word of it. You're too funny!
Sandi
ps
congrats on the POTD mention from David!

Moannie said...

Here from David, congratulation on your POTD.

It takes at least two to make a relationship and sounds like [I don't know 'cos I've only just found you] that you are playing your part to someone who is taking you and your goodnature, for a ride.
He needs a good scare.
Good luck, and show your teeth.

Judi "Jlo" Moran said...

Hi, Jackie.
Your wit is marvelous - your situation less so.
But, contrary to one of your commenters, stick to your fibre, girl.
Because believe me, unless there's abuse, divorce is NOT the answer.
I believe that with every fibre of my being.
And I've been there: married 27 years, divorced 10.
It's not worth it, it's not worth it, it's not worth it!
The world sells us a bill of goods and tells us it will be worth it - we'll be happier, the kids will be healthier.
It's a crock of lies.
Don't believe it.
I hope you don't have to find this out the hard way like I did.
Love,
Jlo

Expat mum said...

Great post - I could feel the rage. I'm not so sure I'd want a man wearing a pinny tho'. A man in the kitchen is great, but lose the flowery pinny.