This brings me to Dilemma Number 1.
(May I suggest you go and get a cup of coffee, a Red Bull or a couple of Pro-Plus tablets because it gets a bit complicated from here on in).
You may have noticed that this is a football mad household. I'm not kidding. It's like a religion. When Manchester United win, all's well with the world. If they lose....no, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Anyway, one Saturday during the 2005-2006 season, United were playing away at Middlesborough. It was a fairly important match. United and Chelsea were virtually neck-and-neck at the top of the League and a win would have put United in first place. Middlesborough were languishing down at the bottom and had hardly won a match all season. They didn't stand a chance.
I was happily washing and ironing school uniforms in readiness for Monday and listening to the match on the radio. The Football Fanatic, it being an away match, was at home, pacing up and down the hall floor, praying to Saint Anthony. The Fixer was up in her bedroom going through the Litany of Saints and praying for the intercession of anyone who would listen. (You think I'm kidding, don't you? I'm not).
Well, Heaven must have been shut that day because United got beat 4-0. The final whistle blew. For a moment you could cut the silence with a knife......
Later, when I had replaced all the doors that had been slammed off their hinges, do you know what I discovered? It was my fault. It most certainly was NOT the case that United had got a bit cocky and had been outplayed by a lesser team. I alone had caused the defeat by washing and ironing during the match. (Obviously I felt obliged to send a letter of apology to the team, the manager and all the supporters, stating most fervently that I would never do it again).
And I haven't. Honest to God, I've never washed or ironed during a match since. (Listen, you're only reading it. I'm living it).
So, finally, back to the Dilemma. The laundry, during the course of the last few days of being ignored, has assumed Biblical proportions. I can see it waiting for me every time I pass the washing basket. I really, really need to get on with it, BUT - United are playing away at Newcastle. The match starts in just over an hour. The Football Fanatic is not back yet. I could get one load done and she'd never know. BUT...the current leaders, Arsenal, only drew today. A win for United would mean there was only three points difference at the top of the table.
What shall I do? Shall I chance it? Would you risk the wrath of the Football Fanatic if they lose? Answers on a postcard as quick as you can please......
Oh...I almost forgot. Dilemma Number 2.
I've been invited out for the evening by the Father of This Lot.
Should I stay or should I go.....?