Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Wordy Wednesday

So what if other blogs have 'Wordless Wednesday'? I like to be different. Anyway, I don't take very good photographs.

So, what I thought was I'd record some of the conversations that go on around here. I have two aims in doing this:
  1. To ensure that someone, at some point, realising what I have to put up with, will take pity on me and offer me a way out. Or at the very least, an all-expenses paid trip to Paris or New York or some other exotic location.
  2. To encourage everybody else, by making them realise that their own lives are far more normal than they suspected

And anyway, it gives me a chance to use this fantastic graphic:

I'll ease you into this with a fairly normal conversation (don't worry, there won't be too many of those), which took place between me and the Football Fanatic over the weekend while watching Match of The Day.

Her: It's never three years since I sat here eating that Pot Noodle is it?

Me: Which Pot Noodle?

Her: The one I was eating the night of Evra's debut match. Chicken and mushroom I think it was.

I'm interupting this conversation here to say - I know. It's pitiful isn't it? I mean, Patrice Evra. He's okay for a left-back, but it's hardly like remembering what you were doing on George Best's debut is it? Or even Rooney. Although I do know what she was doing the night of Rooney's debut. Shaking hands on a deal with two Turkish ticket touts outside Old Trafford. And that's £130 I never saw again. But I digress......

Me: How on earth can you remember what you were eating?

Her: Some people remember what they were wearing for certain events. I remember what I was eating. For instance, the night we won the Champions League we were having steak and onions.

Me: Well I don't remember that.

Her: Why would you? You were out in the street doing the conga seconds after the final whistle.

Me (fondly): Oh, yes! I remember that.

Her: Mum?

Me: Yes?

Her: D'you think they'll win it this year?

Me: I hope so kiddo, for your sake.

Her: If they get to the final, can I go to Moscow to watch it?

Me: Certainly not.

Her: Mum?

Me: Yes?

Her: You're not going to put this on your blog are you?

Me: As if I would.

See! You feel REALLY normal now don't you? I knew you would.

I must admit I have very little interest in food at all, so other peoples' obsessions with it baffle me somewhat. Not that I'm suggesting that anyone has an obsession on the scale of this lot. Although I do know RC often reminisces about a feta and shrimp pizza she once ate in San Fransisco.......

And let's face it - it doesn't look like any of the Football Fanatic's obsessions are going to go away. I can see it now, when she's a really old lady being interviewed on national television, after having achieved her life's ambition, they'll say:

'Can you remember the day you swooped into the Manchester United boardroom in your Mahnolo Blahniks to take total control, having bought the company with the profits of your best-selling novel?

And she'll say, fondly:

'Ah...yes....that was a Double Cheeseburger Meal Deal with extra fries from McDonald's and a plate of my mother's steak and kidney pie............'


Edward said...

I hate to be the one to mention it, but a diet of Pot Noodles and McD's is not the recommended path to becoming a really old lady. Good chuckle though, and that's saying something from someone who could scarcely care less about futbol.

Kitty said...

I'll see your conversations and raise you some a good few notches up on the 'bizarre scale'. I love them though - so surreal and yet so typically 'us'.

I'm not sure Man Utd are going to win the Champions League though :-p


Casdok said...

You never fail to make me smile!
And being the eldest of 5 children, i grimace a bit of what we must have put our mother through!
She is still smiling to!

Renae said...

So funny!

Daryl E said...

Brilliant! And I think next week I am .. no wait next week I will in San Francisco but no flower in my hair .. week after I plan on playing Wordy Wednesday .. meanwhile I took a break from the stress of supervising packing .. I am not packing because yesterday I had a back spasm and chiro told me to chill IT and myself .. so I am sitting here feet elevated and reading your brilliant blog .. xox

Daryl E said...

AND I am stealing that sign .. heh heh

Maggie May said...

Pot noodle ....... yuk!
Must say I don't remember things of a long time ago, by what I was eating!

david mcmahon said...

Great post, great sign - and I hope you get the trip to Paris and beyond.

Grit said...

i have sympathies with the 'that was the day we ate fruit soup' approach and think it would stand the test of time. i think i might have fell in love over a bowl of pasta. (or was that with the pasta? i can't quite recall which way round it was.)

Jennie said...

I always fancy a pot noodle, then when I try one, I hate them.
Your poor child will never speak to you soon, in case it appears on your blog ;)

Journey of Truth said...

What the hell is pot noodle? Is it like the Cup of Noodle in the US? Yuckity-yuck, unless you are a starving student. I remember eating stuff like that. Tasted of salt, rubbery noodles and styrofoam.

I think I remember Gordon Ramsey yelling at some shoddy cook who used it in their kitchen restaurant, but I didn't see any labels.

Carolyn said...

I'm scared of people with amazing memories. Probably because I have the memory of a guppy fish. It's easy to take advantage of me because people will tell me I promised to do something and I have no choice but to believe them. I mean, who the heck knows what I said...!?

Merisi said...

That sign is great. May I copy the text and put it over my daughter's desk (would be my revenge for her leaving a stick-on with "My mom, the goober!" on my desk. ;-)

Misslionheart♥ said...

Did you know Pot Noodles contain no meat whatsoever?

I feel cheated....

Amrita said...

Real good Jackie. Did you make that sign?
Very clever.
I can 't seen to be able to add text to my pictures.

Can you tell me which prog. does Fisxer use to make the awards?

Mean Mom said...

When my aunt has a holiday, on her return, she tells me, not about all the nice places she has seen, but all about the nice food she has eaten! Eating is her greatest pleasure and, to be honest, it shows a little bit!

CrazyCath said...

Hi! That was a very bizarre conversation. What a strange child to remember things by food! Well, not that strange when I come to think of it. Mine are obsessed with their stomachs too.
Hope you get your trip to Paris.
The sign is great - can I steal it? If I stick it up around the house, then no one will talk to me and I will have peace to blog away!
Result. ;0)

the mother of this lot said...

The sign's up for grabs if anyone wants it!