Friday, 11 April 2008

It's Been Lovely Stella, but.....

(If the need the background on the storm tossed saga of this marriage, go here first)

Well, whaddya know? According to the Father of This Lot, Stella's had the old heave-ho. Yes, after years of succumbing to her charms he's finally decided it's time to give her the boot. Well, in the house at least. I have no doubt she's still lurking and enticing him with all her wiles every time he goes in a pub.

BUT...the word on the streets is that she's been replaced in his affections by an old flame. His first love, in fact. They grew up together, these two. He honed his commendable drinking skills on her. And compared to Stella, this one's a pussycat. This one I can handle.

Personally, I think his mother has had a lot to do with it. I'm willing to bet that, seeing the state he gets in when he's been out with Stella for the evening, she's said something along the lines of:

'Not in my house, Sonny Jim. Either give her up or move out.'

The woman's brought up six sons. She doesn't mince her words.

I hope it lasts. He says it will. He swears that he and Stella are finished for good But I think I'll let him rekindle the relationship with his old flame for a while longer before I make any life-changing decisions.

I know Stella of old. I've battled against her for years. And somehow, I don't think she'll give him up without a fight.


Suburbia said...

Good luck. Hope it lasts and all goes well, I'd cross my fingers but it's hard to type like that for long (I did try for a bit).

KitBrookside said...

WOW! I hope he sticks it out...and that 12-1 odds also eventually prevail.

Pulling for you, girls, and FOTL, as always!


A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear Friend, you have obviously had a lot to contend with (I will catch up with your past later), but keep going. He may yet grow up - but don't hold your breath! M :)

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Have just caught up on your history - sorry, it sounds very tough. I grew up with an utterly charming alcoholic Father, so I know what it's like. Love and thoughts, M xx

Maggie May said...

Jackie......... Well I'm glad Stella is losing her hold but sorry to learn about the drinking. You really deserve better than all this.
Maybe you could just leave things be until you can get your head round it. Don't get yourself hurt again.
Hope things get brighter.

CrazyCath said...

Hi Jackie - I don't think I have told you but I do know exactly where you are at. Been there. Done that. Worn the flaming t-shirt and sold it (or rather, divorced it).
Unfortunately, whether her name was Stella, Holsten or (eventually) Strong Brew, the result is the same.
The one thing that is different for you is that FOTL is still obviously a good provider and actually cares, nay probably loves you and the girls. He can appear respectable. I hope for all your sakes this remains so, but I am concerned that it won't. To leave Stella for Pils or anything else is kinda fooling himself. Imho (no offence). My ex always declared love for us and I didn't doubt it. He just loved the bottle more.
The UNfortunate thing is that we love 'em. That is unfortunate because it makes it all the harder to be hard. And the girls of course. I had to wait until he killed it. Then I could be tough. And I was.

I have not heard from him in 7 years (his choice - and his son is here - his choice).

He is still drunk.
I believe he is still alive, but who knows?
I have a life.
My children are safe.

Look after YOU. If he loves you all enough, and more importantly, loves and respects himself, he'll sort it.

ChrisB said...

I hope for all your sakes that Stella is gone for good~ but my guess is this will be tough for him!
He's really got to want to do it got himself.
My wish for you all is that it turns out well.

Katney said...

I sincerely hope that he has truly given up Stella and all her friends as well. It can be done. I've evidence in my own family. So have hope. The best to all of you.

Renae said...

So wonderful to hear he is trying! Will continue to pray for success.

Love to all seven of you!


Anonymous said...

That picture is oddly sad... I guess from reading your story into it.

Anyway, what's the plan, Stan? Is he moving back in? Is there a trial date set? Marriage just makes one incredibly vulnerable, more so than anything else I can think of. How do you balance LOVING someone - and if you do try to balance it, is it the same thing? How do you protect yourself - and risk all that love requires at the same time? And then throw in children to the mix, and all those new little hearts. Whew.

I'll say a prayer for you tonight that you will be wise and hopeful and strong. Love seems like a simple thing, and yet it's so very complicated, really, and hard to define - does love let go, or does it hold on? does it speak up, or be quiet? And so I'll pray for you to have great discernment, too.

And I'll pray for the Father of this Lot that he will come back to his senses and back to his home and back to happiness and real life and all that good stuff that's waiting for him.

Monkey Giggles said...

Anything is possible. For his sake I hope it stick.

I will also be praying for your discernment.

Carolyn said...

I don't envy you... it's all so stressful, even if you put a lighthearted spin on it.

My thoughts are with you.

Adrienne said...

Replacing one poison for another will still kill you. Some faster - some slower.

Adrienne said...

I mean him - not you

Amrita said...

You are an Iron Lady to have gone through all this. I will pray that God may open F 's eyes to the truth about himself and you and his daughters and he may return like the prodigal son.It must be hard on the gals too.

I can 't understand why these witches have to break up other people 's marriages.

And mothers play their part too. We have them here my dear.Mots of love

Jules said...

Hi Jackie,
Be strong. You are obviously doing something right because he is trying. Just keep nudging him up the right path, and hopefuly he'll walk it on his own.
How are the girls taking it. Are they okay?

Elween said...

hi Jackie...i am not sure what's the story behind but some how...i can feel the emotions through your writing...

i blog-hopped to your blog from akelamalu. have a nice day :)

Amanda said...

I can't even imagine...but it sounds like you are handling everything really well. You seem to be a great mother and an even better wife. Good for you for making him work on it.

Kitty said...

The fact that, despite Stella, you two are still best friends says a lot. I think you sound like a wise woman. I'm thinking of you and hoping it goes well - take care of yourself.


The Lehners in France said...

Jackie, I hope both you and he can stick to your guns. Let's hope between you and his mother he can be kept on the straight and narrow.
Love Debs

Milla said...

Lost for words here. I suppose it depends on how much you can take. Or how much more you can take. And compromises. Or why he does it. To this extent, that is. Good luck.

Mrs. Fox said...

It's sad isn't it, to know what a great person someone could be if they would leave their vices behind. You just keep hoping. You're a tough lady.

Mean Mom said...

I was surprised to read about your history, today. I haven't been visitng long, as you know. You have such a cheerful, amusing site, I would not have guessed that you were in such a difficult situation. How do you find time to blog?

My husband took to drinking more than was good for him, when work became more stressful than I could possibly describe. I don't know why a lot of men (and some women, I suppose I should add) turn to drink to ease their stress etc, when everyone knows that drinking causes a myriad of extra problems, but certainly never solves any. I hope everything turns out well for you!

meggie said...

Oh I hope he can better the demon Stella! It can, & does happen.
Good luck.

Beth said...

Hoping he leaves ALL of his mistresses behind. Hang in there!

Kimmie said...

Jackie can I pray for you right now?

Father, I thank you for Jackie and her daughters. I thank you for your Protective hand on them and over their lives. Father, I ask for you to give Jackie wisdom in regards to her husband. Help her to have wisdom and understanding that could only come from you. Watch over and keep her Lord-draw her close and let her be blessed by a close relationship with you.

Father, help her to come to you with her troubles, answer her when she calls to you.

Father, please give the revelation that is needed to her husband, help him to see that he is missing out on this beautiful wife and family of his. You are in the changing business Father, so I ask for you to soften his heart and to draw him to a place of repentance and change. Nothing is impossible for you.

Fresh vision, Lord, let your Spirit come and change hearts and lives. Let them never be the same again.

In Jesus' name-amen.


E said...

Love is not enough. It's nice, but it is so not enough.
There has to be kindness and dignity and respect, and lots of commonality, like velcro the more parts that stick the better chance the whole thing will.
You sound pretty strong and plenty smart. Make him show you. If it's real he will give it all the time you need.
You get to choose. Remember, no matter the promises, you get to pick the life you will have.
This is your life....

Jennie said...

Well I haven't got a prayer (that one was lovely).
I was wrong in my bet (possibly a good job there!)
I wish he would give it all up, but then I guess you do too. At least he's trying and as it's been said he appears to care for you all very much.
Long story but my sons dad died from alcohol poisoning, I had to leave him him before it happened as I could not hope to save him from himself and did not want myself and my son to go down with him. So I know something of what you are going through. (Obviously would hope for a much brighter outcome for you all).
You are very strong though and bloody marvellous so he's lucky you are still around for him.
I hope Father of this lot finds a way to do without anything addictive and to realise just what he is missing out on.

Dusty Spider said...

Can I be honest here?? Seems to me that if he's replaced Stella with and old flame he's overlooked you again. Just be very careful with your heart it's the only one you'll get. Love and Hugs flick xx

Ttony said...

Bloke edging in to say "praying for you all" then edging out again.

Mom of Three said...

I'm kind of with Miss Spider--I can't even imagine being as cool about all this as you are, but then again, I know I need to work on myself, and hopefully will one day be as emotionally sound as you are. Still, at least I know I'm better off than Stella!

What I'm hoping is that you'll find someone who deserves you, someone so fabulous, you'll actually be grateful he left (that's how my life ended up!).

Pig in the Kitchen said...

a bittersweet post...its hard to see how leaving one destructive love for another that is (perhpas?) less destructive, is a good thing? But i hope it turns out to be a good thing.