Monday, 14 April 2008

Mothering Monday

Prison Versus Motherhood

It sounds like an easy choice, doesn't it?
But hang on - let's look at the facts...

In prison, you get three square meals a day.
At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it.

In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.
At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because one of them can't sleep without his latest lego creation.

In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.
At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.
At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to them to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.
At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests, hoping all the time that they will soon be going.

In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.
At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.
At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them.

In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.
At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean.

In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.
At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.

In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.
At home, you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your bag and then wonder who went in it and took your last pound.

In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't.
At home....stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?

Hmm.....there's a bus leaving for Holloway in ten minutes.
Shall I keep the driver talking till you get here?
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simplelife said...

Ha ha ha I love it! Thankyou for the laugh, I think it's only funny because it's so close to the truth.

cheers Lenny

Kitty said...

Ah, but can one blog in prison? ;-) x

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Oh dear, shouldn't have read that after a particularly challenging weekend shepherding my flock..... Peace and quiet on the toilet - there's a lovely thought.

Love to you and yours

ChrisB said...

Great post~ just right for a rainy Monday morning :)

CrazyCath said...

Yes please - I'm on my way!!!

Maggie May said...

This is so funny but .........yes.... if you couldn't blog in prison, what would be the point?

Mean Mom said...

That's clever! It's also worth thinking about. More ME, ME, ME time. I couldn't even get peace and quiet on the loo, this morning. Sorry, too much information!

Okay. I'm running! Wait for meeee!

KitBrookside said...

Hey, you do get internet access, if you're well behaved, so you can work on your appeal. In fact, case law says you're entitled to chunky peanut butter in prison here in the USA...something about cruel and unusual punishment.

And MM, of COURSE you get no peace in the loo. My 14 year old lies in wait for me to go in, so she can barge in and assault me with idle prattle while know. Captive audience. (Old door in the ensuite, mis-matched bolt, antique hardware too pretty to replace. Not that one should have to consider it, really.)

She is gracious enough to laugh and admit it, so I suppose that's something.

Akelamalu said...

Prison is looking very attractive!

Daryl E said...

Only if I can choose my own 'uniform' .. :)

E said...

Okay, okay a personal toilet. I didn't even know there was such a thing. Mine are 23, 19, and 12 and they come in as if they are walking into their rooms. My 19 year old was home from Mt Holyoke this weekend and she came in when I was in the tub and said, "Boy it sure is nice to have privacy again" No irony. I swear!
But think how you'd miss the hugs....

family affairs said...

Thanks for the recent award...back now from France - how are you doing? Lx

family affairs said...

Thanks for the recent award...back now from France - how are you doing? Lx

Suburbia said...

Yeh, you know you love it really!!

Dusty Spider said...

Count me in!! I often say to 'im indoors, to whom I've been married for 38 years, "if I'd murdered you instead of marrying you, I'd be out by now!!" (love him to bits really) Flick xx

Rose said...

Love the shelf for the awards. Don't know how long it's been there but it's really cute.

Moonlight in Vermont said...

O.K....really funny. I never thought I could relate to those in I need to lie down on a couch and have my head examined...HA!!Ha!!! too funny. I think I like my prison better because I can leave at ANY time:)

CrazyCath said...

I've done the meme you tagged me for at last! Maggie got me too. Sorry it took me a week. :( But it was interesting to look back and it will be fun seeing others. Thanks for the tag!

PS - Screenshot - Press 'Print Screen' button on key board (top row to the right). Nothing happens BUT - then open Paint (or Word or something similar) and "paste" without copying anything else (right click and paste or in Paint, go to "Edit" on menu and scroll down to paste) and voila - a shot of your screen and whatever is displayed on it! Save and upload (as an ordinary picture).

Check what's written on your icons etc if you don't want personal names etc out. Change them before your screen shot. Whatever you are looking at on your screen when you press Print Screen will be captured in the shot. You can of course crop it if you wish. Have a go and shock the Fixer with your techno know how! ;0)

Anonymous said...

Stop, you're depressing me!! :)

Merisi said...

What life skills has one left after all that coddling in prison???

Milla said...

Brilliant, yes, you keep that driver talking, honey. There was an elderly woman in the papers fairly recently planning to kill her husband (-ish) since she reckoned that prison was a jolly sight better bet, and cheaper, than a residential home - for starters, she'd be seen by a doctor pronto, and wouldn't have to sell her house. Love it.

Jennifer said...

LOL...I am a RN in a nursing home. The other week 3 male patients were comparing the nursing home to a prison. I am not going to repeat what they said because it's not appropriate but your post here reminded me of that.

david mcmahon said...

Like they say on the floor of the London Stock Exchange - cell, cell, cell!!!

Renae said...

Sounds like an all expense paid vacation . . . :-)

Grit said...

stop the bus! i want to get on!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

When I told the dentist that I had been either pregnant or nursing for 14 years straight, he said, "Don't murderers get less time than that? Do you get time off for good behaviour?"


Momma said...

:-) Absolutely brilliant post!

Even though my children are "grown" (if you can call them that - they're still living in my house!), I still rarely get a moment to myself. I keep waiting for someone else to plan the menu, buy the food, and cook for me. I keep waiting for someone to vacuum up the dust bunnies. And even my dogs won't leave me alone in the bathroom!

Peace - D

P.S. - Found you through David.

Kimmie said...

Wow, I didn't realize how bad I had it, until I started reading through your very witty post.

You are a scream Jackie!

mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Amrita said...

Take me to Newgate anytime now.