Monday, 7 April 2008

Mothering Monday



Today's Mothering Monday Post is especially for Daryl, to cheer her up!


What Would Your Jewish Mother Say?


Just imagine if these folks actually HAD a Jewish Mother. She might actually have said:


MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?"


CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:

"I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written!"


MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get this junk off the ceiling?"


NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"All right, if you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"


ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"


GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Next time I catch you throwing money across thePotomac, you can kiss your allowance

goodbye!"


THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!"


And then these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:


ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:

"But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something about your hair?"


MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:

"That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."


And I just couldn't resist this:


Jewish Mother's Answering Machine:

If you want chicken soup, press 1;

If you want matzoh balls with the soup, press 2;

If you want varnishkas, press 3;

If you want knishes press 4;

If you want to know how am I feeling, you are calling the wrong number since nobody ever calls to ask me how I am feeling.


Well, Daryl, true or not?



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19 comments:

CrazyCath said...

Oh that is soooo funny! I can just visualise Maureen Lipman doing these.
Brilliant. Ta for the laugh (again!)

[I'll get on to that meme soon. Promise!]

Renae said...

where do you come up with these?

--r

Casdok said...

I love your mondays!

Maggie May said...

Very funny!

Amrita said...

Knee slapping indeed. You have my drooping spirits up mate.Earlier I was kinda sagging in the soul.

I love all those Jewish Moms.
I love English humour. PG Wodehouse is my favorite.

Amrita said...

Want to create Bertie Wooster or Aunt Agatha Award for humourous blogs.

Akelamalu said...

That made me chuckle!

Jeni said...

Too doggone funny! Reminded me so much of the mother of one of my old friends from back in the 60's and early 70's - a great Jewish lady with a terrific daughter (who was my friend back then. Haven't seen her in I guess 17 years now and before that, it was well over 20 years since I'd last seen her.) But Mrs. W., I'm sure, would no doubt have asked all those same questions and I can picture in my mind's eye, her having an answering machine with messages on it much like those you posted. Great post!

Jennifer said...

that was funny! that should make anyone feel better. :)

THANK YOU for the book suggestion - I went right over to amazon. Can't wait to get it.

Jen

Daryl E said...

Oh SO true. Here are a few of my late mom's:

Why are you doing your homework sitting on the bed, didnt we buy you a desk?

Dont lean your head on the wall you'll leave a mark

Dont sit on the edge of the bed you'll break the mattress

Come here when I call you, dont just yell WHAT

Stop making that face. What will you do if it freezes like that?

Ah.. mothers ..

Thanks, Jackie . I needed that .. xoxox

Milla said...

Great! I, too, had Maureen Lipman AND Woody Allen both doing the accent in my head.

KitBrookside said...

Always a treat after a Monday at the office...and now you must tell - did you serve FOTL up with some fava beans and a nice chianti, or what? Hope it went well!

Sweet Irene said...

You tell that sweet Fixer of yours that she made a terrific Award and that this woman in the Netherlands is very happy with it indeed!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

CrazyCath said...

Jackie - I won't forget the meme. Promise. I stole the "Right to remain Silent" and it's up now.

Tell your Fixer she is brilliant (if it won't make her too cocky) lol I got the chat award now. Woo hoo!

qualcosa di bello said...

my mother was catholic & she still said most of this stuff...well, all except the food selections!!! (must be the solid jewish roots of our faith...)

The Lehners in France said...

Having worked in the jewellery trade all of my working life I could very much relate to this. I had Maureen Lipman and Dorian from Birds of a Feather in mind. As I've had French lessons today with Sharon and Tracey it's very apt. Good blog and very funny. Debs

Holy Chaos said...

So funny!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I loved this! Very entertaning especially the press 1 for chicken soup etc skit. Typcally a Jewish Ma.

Jules said...

I really loved this post. Too funny.
My mum, though not Jewish always said this one (maybe you're heard it?)

Always put on clean underthings because you never know when you are going to be in an accident. :)