Me: What's that?
Him: It's a hoover.
Me: I can see that. What's it for?
Him: You said the hoover wasn't picking up properly. I bought a new one.
Me: Oh right. Thanks. Did you get the milk?
Him: I forgot.
It could have been worse, I suppose. And I did notice that there wasn't any of the usual '...don't see why I should be buying appliances for a house I don't live in anymore...' nonsense.
Perhaps now is an opportune moment to tell him that the dryer's packed up and the dishwasher's been on the blink since last August.
In yet another appliance-buying moment, the Football Fanatic has invested in this:
Apparently it is known as an ipod dock. I was quite looking forward to it's arrival because this lot have broken two of the USB ports on the computer, so to charge the various ipods in the house necessitates unplugging my keyboard. The 'dock' would eliminate the need for this because it can charge everybody's ipod without disturbing me.
Also, there was the sales pitch....
".......a beautiful, compact sound system with an integrated Universal Dock that fills the room with rich, audiophile-quality sound......"
Perhaps that only applies to a normal household. In the hands of this lot the noise reached decibel levels that I am certain are hazardous to human health. The strains of 'Glory, glory, Man United' which wafted up the stairs could only be equalled by a crowd of 76,000 people at Old Trafford. Once they had figured out how to jam the volume button onto full, the music began, and, much as I am used to feeling there has been a minor earhquake in the house, I can honestly say that, two floors above them, the ground was actually shaking.
My usual line of 'FOR GOD'S SAKE, TURN IT DOWN' was useless. Have you ever seen a programme about The Ministry of Sound in Ibiza? If you have, you've got the idea.
I gave it up as a bad job in the end. I can only thank God that we are detatched and double glazed. Otherwise, the neighbours could be forgiven for thinking that they're spending Easter week in a caravan somewhere on the outskirts of Ayia Napa.