Saturday, 8 March 2008

Taking Care of Business

This is a very good representation of what I looked like when I came back from 12 o'clock Mass today. My state of grace lasted for approximately five minutes - the length of time it takes to walk from church to home.

You're intrigued now, aren't you? Did I have an argument with someone on the way back? No. Had I met the Father of This Lot on his way to a pub, yet again abandoning all parental responsibility? (This often happens on my way home from 12 o'clock mass, but surprisingly, not today).

No, the cause of my indignation and ill-temper was the chaos which met me on my arrival. Not only did the house resemble one of those buildings in Iraq which both the US and British armies have been in and trashed, but a cat-fight between the Singer and the Football Fanatic was in full swing. I use the term 'cat-fight' loosely, because that would give the wrong impression and conjure up a picture of a girly twosome engaged in a little scratching or hair-pulling. Think Ricky Hatton and Floyd Mayweather and you'll have a much better idea.

Enter the Mother of This Lot, stage left. And, boy, did I let them have it. Both barrels? ALL barrels. They didn't know what had hit them. There was complete and utter silence. (Another sentence I thought I'd never write). So while I had their attention I took them on a round-the-world guilt trip. You know the sort of thing.....I don't ask much.....nobody ever thinks about me....nerves are in if I don't have enough with your father.... It was worthy of an award. It could even have been made into a film. In fact it was:

Since I appeared to be on a roll I decided to take full advantage and assign some cleaning duties. Furniture was pulled out, floors mopped, carpets hoovered, windows cleaned, wooden surfaces polished to within an inch of their lives and anything that was left lying about was given five minutes to live before being condemned forever to the depths of a black bin bag.

Yep, things are definitely changing round these parts. From now on, we live by my rules:

All in all, a good day.
And tomorrow, girls, we'll tackle the upstairs.

Now, who fancies the bathroom?


A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Those rules are great - and perfectly fair from a Mother's point of view. Best of luck with the upstairs:) Margot xx

ExpatKat said...

Well done you! I feel just the same after I've been anywhere. I'm always dreading what I'll come home to. Whatever it is it'll always be a mess.

KitBrookside said...

Excellent! I remember my mother throwing (and breaking) several dinner plates to stop my brothers once...the fight was over who was supposed to set it for dinner.

After two years of female filth, we exiled the 14 year old to the third floor butler/maid rooms. If she wants money or rides anywhere, she cleans. If not, oh well.

ciara said...

ha! i love it! wow, your house is going to get super i wish that would work on MY kids...fat chance :(

Tom in Vegas said...

Yikes!! I wasn't involved and yet I feel the terror of being put into one's place.

Better go put my toys away:0)

Kitty said...

I like those rules - I may pinch that notice, print it out, and put it up in the sitting room, just so nobody can claim not to know the 'rules'.

If No.1's room doesn't get the promised 'tidy up' soon, I'm going in there with several black bin bags. She has been warned.


CrazyCath said...

I have those rules posted on the front door (inside - so they see them each morning as they come downstairs) and regularly refer to them.

Go girl! Well done! It is hard work in this house with me the only female, so with 5 girls the least they could do is help mum out and appreciate that sometimes it's hard to be woman!

Wonderful post.

Daryl E said...

PLEASE send them to my apartment, its small and if someone would just clean it really well once I swear I'd keep it up .. I swear ..

I just love you and how you cope.....and those fabulous illustrations...TMI?

Maggie May said...

The rules are perfectly fair ..... not too much to ask is it? Good for you!
Now when I get like that, the family start to say things like, "I don't like you when you get like this."
Like what? Every woman needs to put things in order from time to time & re-establish the rules!

Jennifer said...

That is GREAT!! Love it. I don't know, sometimes things are better after the air is cleared for some reason.
Boundaries re-established, queen returned to the throne - ah, all is well in the kingdom again. I hope you're sitting on your throne surveying the peaceful land from a distance tonight, with a glass of something restorative in hand, feeling very royal, indeed.

merry weather said...

Crikey, well done - Do you give lessons on how to do this? I usually implode :)

Akelamalu said...

That's a great set of rules!

AutumnRose said...

Oh I know that feeling! And I've only got two girls :¬)

Jennie said...

I absolutely LOVE this post (well obviously not the fact you had to come home to that). That movie poster had me in stitches! You are brilliant woman!

Amrita said...

You have me laughting Jackie.

The rules are great and the poster too.

qualcosa di bello said...

i do believe i may need to borrow you occasionally! this is the perfect follow-up to that superhero really are supermom!

disa said...