Mothering Monday

You Know You're a Mother When........

More often than not, your feet stick to the kitchen floor

If the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room and not let them out till someone's bleeding

You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

In the summer, you consider ice lollies to be a food staple

The baby's dummy falls on the floor and you give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it because you're too busy to wash it.

You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.

Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing nappies, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller blading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.....

....and, quite frankly, YOU DON'T CARE!!

So, anybody out there recognise themselves?